I was living a good life, but sometimes I felt that I was walking in a dark cave. It seemed endless, the air was foggy. Often stone walls appeared here and there, blocking my steps with confusion and frustration. I was not in depression, but I was struggling to find where I was, who I was, and what really the things that I was seeing were.

      I have been practicing mindfulness for a while - more than a year. It was fortunate for me to meet mindfulness at that time. Then I wanted to follow this 8-week MBSR course sincerely to get more knowledge, inspiration and support. I would like to summarize my journey of mindfulness including this course. Throughout my journey of mindfulness, I learned these:

The beauty of now (the present moment) - Truth is in this moment, in this breath. Not in the past, nor in the future. With the mindful eyes nothing is same and nothing is boring. With mindfulness, everything becomes so interesting. I can spend a day in complete agony or spend the same day in complete peace - and this is my choice. The joy of listening to self is another one. I noticed that I became sensitive to what my body and heart said. I could truly live as myself in this present moment.

Possibility - Love, generosity, solidity, kindness, openness... all the qualities I have been looking for are actually already inside me. The only thing I need to do is just remembering the qualities to bring them out. I also learn that I am physically greater than my body. I can extend my invisible hand to reach out to anyone in any place. Others are also my extended self and everything is connected.

Flexibility in life - Mindfulness also led me to aware the illusion of control - the idea I can control certain situation or a person. In fact, nothing is fixed, everything changes, and things always happen unexpectedly. Everything is hardly controllable. At first, it was hard to accept. But I also noticed that realizing this illusion comforted me a lot because I didn’t need to be perfect. Instead, opening heart, widening my eye sights, and being flexible and flowing with the situation are much more practical and healthy. I am saying good bye to all the expectations and controls and getting much less anger and stress. What a beautiful gift. Everything is perfect as it is.

      Mindfulness is becoming an important part of my life. Precisely speaking, it is not a ‘part’ but something lives with me. Practice continues in every single moment. Staying in the present moment is very delicate practice and process with a lot of joy. It is like a continual unveiling, discovering a beautiful flower inside a flower. I am enjoying the process to be myself, to love myself, and to love others. All of them are true joy.

      I am also slowly accepting and embracing pain and agony in life, very ugly faces of myself which I’ve always denied and run away from. I accept them as a part of me and acknowledge them.

      I no more feel hard to find time for meditation. Moreover I am enjoying developing my own practice. For instance, I found that I greatly co-work with the earth in sunset. I normally do one hour meditation in the evening, sometimes 30mins in the morning as well. Practicing mindfulness while taking a walk at a park near home is wonderful to feel gratitude in nature.

      One most important thing I will put my intention on is cultivating kindness. This is a lifelong mission. I noticed that the more I practice mindfulness, the more I get the urge to contribute to the world and community around me. Cultivating kindness would be the door to open myself to others, changing the world one step at a time.

      I may still walk in the cave, but I do not fear the darkness, stone walls, or the infinity. I am the lamp and the light. I deeply appreciate the course.