Simplifying Sentences
Varying sentence lengths and types of sentences can help to break up otherwise tedious prose blocks. However, it is important to keep in mind that the longer and more complex a sentence gets, the more difficult it can be for a reader to interpret that sentence. Take this paragraph as an example:
- The author of the novel illustrated various differences between the characters. The novel, which was a romantic novel, portrayed characters in devious sorts of ways in which they did things that were very deceptive. The two main characters, April and Jamil, were never definitely and completely honest with each other, which led to the final outcome of their divorce. This outcome, which left them both miserable as they still loved one another, is designed in a way to show the readers just exactly how the novelist feels about lying in relationships.
This paragraph is quite wordy and takes longer than necessary to make its point. Let's break it up into shorter sentences and omit unnecessary words:
- The romantic novelist portrayed the main characters as devious. April and Jamil were in love, but they were never honest with each other, and ultimately they got a divorce. This shows us how the novelist feels about lying.
This is much clearer! Students often make the mistake of using more words than necessary because they think it will impress their reader or professor. However, instructors and other readers easily see through this, and they usually just want you to get your point across! Always consider your reader, and make your writing easy for them to grasp.
Revising for Concision
Consider the following general guidelines. These are good rules to keep in mind when you are revising your paper for concision.
Eliminate Words
Eliminate unnecessary words. Keep an eye out for places where you can convey your meaning more directly. For example:
- Original: The physical size of the workroom is too small to accommodate this equipment.
- Revised: The workroom is too small for this equipment.
The physical size of the workroom is too small to accommodate this equipment
Though the title communicates the necessary information about this image, it uses too many words to do so. A simplified version of the sentence is: "The workroom is too small for this equipment." Look for places in your own writing where you can remove unnecessary words to make your writing more concise and efficient. Your readers will appreciate it!
Also, try to avoid the following phrases, which are redundant and have more concise alternatives:
- absolutely essential
- in my personal opinion
- basic fundamentals
- past memories
- each and every
- small in size
- first and foremost
- very unique
Combine Short, Choppy Sentences
After you eliminate unnecessary words, you may find yourself with much shorter sentences, so your paper may now feel choppy. Combine these short sentences to improve flow and clarify your train of thought. The single combined sentence may be longer than each of the two original sentences, but overall you are using fewer words and communicating your point more clearly.
- Original: Water quality in Fairfield declined in March. This decline occurred because of the heavy rainfall that month. All the extra water overloaded Tomlin County's water treatment plant.
- Revised: Water quality in Fairfield declined in March because heavy rainfall overloaded Tomlin County's water treatment plant.
Additional Examples
Example 1
- Original: According to optimal quality-control practices in manufacturing any product, it is important that every component part that is constituent of the product be examined and checked individually after being received from its supplier or other source but before the final, finished product is assembled. (45 words)
- Revised: Effective quality control requires that every component be checked individually before the final product is assembled. (16 words)
Example 2
- Original: Over the most recent monthly period, there has been a large increase in the number of complaints that customers have made about service that has been slow. (27 words)
- Revised: Last month, many more customers than usual complained about slow service. (11 words)